Can't really remember the last time I posted but I can say nothing has changed with me.Oh, except that I am sicker than a dog and fell like someone ran me over  with a simi. And well, I start working with my sister at Ruby Tuesdays last week.  Go figure. I haven't worked in a year and I find out I pregnant and I go get a job knowing I can't work but for a few months.  But oh well, it'll get me through Christmas, which I try to make big for my girls.  It was always a big holiday at our house growing up and it wasn't for my husband so I try to make it big for all of us.  He was part of a family that only got two or three presents and that was it.  And his birthday,which is three days after, he wouldn't get anything.  So I try to make it big for him to.  I love the smell of Christmas and the way it looks and besides it's Lexi Cole's first Christmas.  I'm so excited.  She is a hoot and will love to see the lights and hear the music and eat the food and open the presents.  She is so smart ya'll.  She talks so well and she's only nine months old.  She tells me "lobe u" and "tank u"  So sweeet.  I am so lucky to have her and Memory, who will be my little star, in my life.  I do complain some times but I am a lucky mommy.  And I glad they  are mine.  Anyway, that's all the rambling I can do for now.  Bye-bye

So much has gone on since my last post and well just a little to much to really get into.  Yes, grandma is feeling a little better but not much.  My aunt from Illinois came down to help take care of her and to make things a little easier on  us.  Oh yes, I do have news in case my sister hasn't told ya'll.  I'm pregnant with my third child.  I really don't know how I feel about it but I know that I can handle it because I know God would not give me to much to bare.  It's Gods will and I have to accept that.  But to put a little damper on things, my husband and I are seperated and I honestly don't know if I want him back.  I do love him with all I am but he has crossed the line with me and I don't know if I can get past it.  I know I need to forgive and I will but I can't forget and the fact that   my girls hurt from it is really bad.  Now Debo is a great father and would never hurt his children and his full of love and would do anything for anyone no matter what, he just has some things he needs to work out. and he also needs to work on his relationship with God.  It's all really hard to understand unless you know all the story but honestlly some things are  better left personal.  I know he loves me but sometimes love just isn't enough for two people .  We have been in and out of this relationship for 5 years now and I'm tired.  You could only understand it if you have been there.  but anyway I need to go to bed.  Just thought I would let you know I haven't died and am still trying to find that sane part of the world.  Night everyone.

well another day and my life is still the same as yesterday. Just here wanting something more.  I love my mom with everything but as I get older I realize that I just don't like her.  She is so negative about everything.  I don't think I have heard a positive thing out of her mouth in days or weeks.  She needs her "happy pills" but doesn't get them.  I still live with her and so does my husband and two kids and we really want out but my mother just is so mean about it.  Yes I know I'm 26 with a family of my own but if you knew my mom you would know what I mean.  She wants me to depend on her for everything and in reality I don't need her for anything.  She just doesn't get it .  She feels I need to be a single mom and live with her forever and just be happy.  not gonna happen.  Even if by chance I do end up single with kids, I want out.

My grandmother is dying and I don't know how to feel.  I know  she will be in a better place with God and with my grandpa who I loved more than any man in my life.  How can I make my family understand that they need to make it easier on her.  She is scared but I don't think of dying I think of leaving us.  She is the root of the family and when she is gone our family won't be as close.  I honestly feel like she won't get any better even with the new treatment but I try to stay positive for her because she needs that.  She needs to know I'm okay.  She has been like a mother to me.  I would always stay at her house growing up and I knew that I could count on her for anything.  For a shoulder to cry on or a person to laugh at my stupid jokes.  It will hurt so bad when she is gone. She is an incredible women who loves me and is proud of me no matter my choices in life.

Enough about that sad stuff.

The time has come for me to  go.

Thanks for letting me just ramble on.

I know it's been  a while and well ya'll probably thought I just died off.   Well sorry, but no I haven't.  Just been busy and every time I find a little time for myself, it ends just as soon as I  sit down.  My youngest is sick and well she is just cranky and joined on my hip.  My wonderful husband ( I say that sarcastically) isn't much help when it comes to the girls.  Come to think of it, there really isn't much he is helpful with.  I know I'm being cruel but really. I get so tired of doing everything for Mem, Lexi, and him and still try to find time for myself and he wonders why I never get fixed up for him.  I am to dang tired to shave my legs or put on a dress, do my make-up & hair. And even if I did, where would we go.  What would we do.  Nothing!!!!  So why bother.  I can't remember the last time we have done anything as just a couple.  Out in  a social atmosphere.  Just having adult time.  But honestly, if we did, I would be ready to come home and go to sleep at 10:00.  Just not as fun and vibrant as I use to be.     Well, time to go to bed. It's gonna be a long night.

Hello everyone!!!!!!

I am just here with a little break from my kids and husband and so I thought i would tell you about me.

I'm 26 and have been married for a little over a year to the father of my two girls.  They are 2 1/2 and 8 months old.  We have known each other for almost five years and have gone through alot.  It's hard to believe we have any trust for each other.  We have our problems, but honestly we probably woundn't have any if he wasn't so inexperienced when it came to relationships. he was always a guy ho until we got together.  Me on the other hand have been in several relationships.  good but most bad.   but that's all for now.  my duties call.

bye to everyone living in the sane world